Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
