where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
