Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I AM VODKA MAN
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
