i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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