im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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