Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
