I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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