She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
