Swine flu. Run for my life!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
