So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
