There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
