Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
