yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
