Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
