This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
