I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
