i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Houston, we have a blender
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
