U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
