Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
