where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
True but thats because hes a fetus.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
