And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
