Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
