They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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