Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
