Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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