I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
