we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
