I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
