got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
