that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
