his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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