Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
