I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
