Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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