The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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