I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
