in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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