I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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