with your own penis?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
