Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
