Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
