So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
