we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
