The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
