I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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