Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
