So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
