oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
