whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
