Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
