i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
