The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
