He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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